I know money buys freedom but I was always obsessed with stealing it.

Picture us on a screen, fade out on us being happy on Christmas eve, and me yelling at myself on the screen, “don’t go back!” As I go back.

I am sure the start of the holidays is hard for most people, but there’s something about the cold that creeps into me, even when running away to Florida.

It is easy to make fun of someone, it is hard to make fun of someone and not have them hate you.

Women comics are like the WNBA, just as good but no one gives a sh*t.

I can’t lie, it made my night, it might’ve been one of the best things I’ve seen in comedy; not the lady yelling at him, but him attempting to do a bit about jerking off in your own face while trying not to cry about what just happened.

I’m just a girl who wasn’t happy with the hand she was dealt and decided to stop playing the game.

Mike and I took an impromptu trip to LA so I could meet his agent, I never did, which I joke is the authentic LA experience.

LA is a strange place where every time I told someone I was a comedian they would say, “me too.”

So in hindsight, the booker probably thought all females were vulgar and I should’ve dived with dad jokes instead of thrive on anal.

“I don’t know much about St. Louis, but judging by the bikers I saw on my way in with no helmets, I’m gonna go ahead and say y’all have just given up.”